Señor Chang’s (Ken Jeong) rant from Community Season 1 can still bring tears of hilarity to my eyes:

Every once in a while, a student will come up to me and ask, “Señor Chang, why do you teach Spanish?” They say it just like that. “Why do you teach Spanish? Why you? Why not math? Why not photography? Why not martial arts?” I mean, surely, it must be in my nature to instruct you in something that’s ancient and secret, like, oh, building a wall that you can see from outer space? Well, I’ll tell you why I teach Spanish. It is none of your business, okay? I don’t wanna have any conversations about what a mysterious, inscrutable man I am. Oh hee hee hee hee hee hee! Oh hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo!

I am a Spanish Genius! In Español, my nickname is “El Tigre Chino”! 'Cause my knowledge will bite her face off! So don't question Señor Chang or you'll get bit. You bit! You bit! 

Montage of all the Scary Door clips on Futurama. Plus a little William Shatner doing Slim Shady at the end never hurt any one.

You’re entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location. The kind of place where there might be a monster, some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples, it could also be something much better. Prepare to enter: The Scary Door.


Harrison: You… You pre-bought tombstones for all of us? Reginald: I had a coupon. It would have been stupid not to.Beartato: I wrote my own. “Now that he’s gone, What’s the point?”[Reginald shows off his tombstone which reads “Reginald. Killed by a ghost in a hall of mirrors”.]Harrison: How do you know?Reginald: I just know.

Source: Nedroid. High-res

Harrison: You… You pre-bought tombstones for all of us?
Reginald: I had a coupon. It would have been stupid not to.
Beartato: I wrote my own. “Now that he’s gone, What’s the point?”
[Reginald shows off his tombstone which reads “Reginald. Killed by a ghost in a hall of mirrors”.]
Harrison: How do you know?
Reginald: I just know.

Source: Nedroid.

Woman in Comedy: A really scary thing happened to me last night at a comedy show.

gabydunn:

Part of me thinks it’s too soon to be writing about this because I don’t think I’ve completely processed how I feel, but I also think maybe this has happened to other women and I should talk about it in as raw a way as possible. I’m still really embarrassed and ashamed and garbled up inside, but maybe this can start a helpful discussion in terms of women and comedy.

Last night, I was on a stand up show in the East Village. The show started out with a small crowd and the host did an amazing job interacting with them and riling them up. By the time I got on stage, there were about 20 or so more people in the audience and the place had really filled up. The show was still kind of loose because of the back and forth between the host and the audience, so when I got on stage, I riffed a bit about the stuff that had happened before and then talked to one guy on the side of the audience who the host had dubbed “Banana Republic.” All joke-y. All in good fun.

Then, I start my actual set and do my first two jokes, which go pretty okay. I start another joke that is vaguely sexual - not crude, not crass - mainly silly and that goes well too. The next joke I do is about my boyfriend.

At a comedy show, when you’re on stage, usually you can’t see the audience because of the bright lights. So I’m looking into pitch darkness. As I start the joke, someone yells, “Does your boyfriend know?” referring to the sexuality joke I’d just told. I stop, laugh and say that he does because I think it’s just more of the loose environment that’s been going on at this show. I attribute it to an audience member just having fun.

I start to tell the joke about my boyfriend again, and at the midway point, the same voice yells something else derogatory about my boyfriend, homophobic and misogynistic towards me. I stop, confused. I can’t see who is talking to me so I make a HUGE mistake and say, “Sir, if you’re gonna talk to me, you need to come to the front because I can’t see you.” I think calling him out like this will shut him up.

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kenyatta:

waffleguppies:

lightningeclipse:

bebopbubo:

wheatleys-crotch:

frankenbolt:

mad-maddie:

therealdramaking:

venthepirate:

jennifer-wang:

#british men trapped in corridors

STOP

This isn’t funny.

I am British, and this is a serious problem.

Many a time I have walked down a corridor, only to find a poor man standing there, staring, just staring, in oddly patterened shirts and jeans.

Our government is doing it’s best, but sometimes it seems nothing can be done.

I’ve heard of cases where  they’ve actually had to knock down the walls to get them out, and that’s very risky, as you can see as they are attracted to the walls and lean on them…

Millie keep an eye on Mike he could be next

So many of my friends have died from bad shirts and small confined spaces. :/ When will the Conservatives do something about this problem.

omg

I mean you can try putting up signs but sometimes it’s not even known how they’re getting in there or why the british male attempts to make its home in brick corridors. They are delicate,  mysterious creatures, and I hope the EPA steps in soon.

This is just so sad. Reblogging because I have a heart.

We can’t just close our eyes to the plight of British men trapped in corridors in peculiar shirts. Don’t just scroll past this, reblog. It won’t make your blog look ugly.

I don’t watch movies anymore. Instead I find epic reblog threads on Tumblr and spend hours reading the notes.

(via kenyatta)

George Carlin’s classic comedic skit on The Seven Words You Can Never Say on TV in full (from his 1972 comedy album, Class Clown). Warning lots of swearing - obviously - but it’s a very amusing take on how television regulatory bodies in America decided some words are not okay for adults to hear, even though glamorised portrayals of killing and rape are screened daily, and I might add, despite the fact that the perpetuation of negative stereotypes of minority groups is a-okay. Even though it’s from the 1970s and some of the words considered too offensive for TV audiences have changed, Carlin’s comedic critique has resonance today. I especially like that he covers double entendres - my second favourite literary device.

It’s a shame that Carlin has a joke about how some of these words were banned in order to not offend ‘some ladies’ - as if women demand to be protected from some words more than men.

Still, it’s worth having a listen. Let me know what you think?

alexandrahamilton:

I wanna thank my daughter, Alice, for being the funniest person in my family. For coining phrases like “I want to go to there” and sometimes just putting on pretend make-up in the mirror, and she’ll turn to me and say, “I look like Barack Obama.” She has somehow gotten it in her head that it’s a good thing to resemble a famous politician. I don’t know where she got that idea.

I will never be as funny as Alice or Tina Fey.

(via stardustmelodys-deactivated2013)